The Brisbane Lions managed to avoid the wooden despite a 58-point defeat at the hands of a Nick Reiwoldt-inspired St Kilda at Etihad Stadium.
The Lions started the game in 17th place, just 0.5 of a percentage point in front of Essendon (61.5 to 61.0), and seemed determined to avoid finishing on the bottom of the ladder when they sprung from the blocks to kick the opening two goals of the game.
The Saints soon took control of the game, however, and were never headed after regaining the lead through a Jack Lonie goal late in the first term, extending their lead at every break to record a 25.11 (161) to 15.13 (103) win.
But the Lions' battle to avoid the wooden spoon was the most absorbing contest on Sunday as they farewelled veteran defender Daniel Merrett in his 200th game.
The Lions were able to maintain their buffer over the Dons for the opening two terms, going into half-time with a 0.4 percentage lead when they trailed by 29 points.
The Lions held that same buffer when they went into three-quarter time 45 points down, but fell behind Essendon when the Saints kicked four of the first five goals of the final term.
However, the Lions ensured they did not 'win' their first wooden spoon since 1998, kicking five of the game's final eight goals to finish 0.6 of a percentage point in front of Essendon, ensuring the Dons ended with the prized No.1 pick into November's NAB AFL Draft and the potentially valuable first pick in the pre-season draft.
St Kilda captain Riewoldt, 33, played one of the best games of his storied career to kick nine goals, signalling he will still be a force to be reckoned with in 2017.
Press conference: Justin Leppitsch
Lions coach Justin Leppitsch said the high-scoring encounter had reminded him of his side's round-one loss to West Coast, with the inability to defend turnovers a decisive factor.
"I sound like a broken record, but our defence from turnovers again was the difference, that was pretty much it," Leppitsch said.
"There were some good signs with ball movement. (It was) pretty obvious we make a few monumental turnovers and with training that will improve."
Leppitsch did not know his team had avoided the wooden spoon when he spoke to reporters after game and said no one at the club had addressed the issue.
"It wasn't a motivating factor for me, that's for sure," Leppitsch said.
"I guess it's always nice avoiding those things, (but) we've got some bigger-picture things to worry about as a footy club."
Tom Rockliff (37 possessions and two goals) and Dayne Zorko (30 and one) led the way for the Lions as they did for much of 2017, while Tom Cutler (27) also battled hard all day and Stefan Martin had the better of his ruck duel with Jason Holmes.
Assigned to Riewoldt for much of the game, Merrett had at least one moment of joy in his final AFL game, kicking a third-quarter goal after he turned back the clock with a spring-heeled mark.
